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Januarysome days to remember, some days to forget May 16 R.I.P mmy laopo and BB小云和出出出YY人已经死亡。母亲的妹妹将他们杀害的4月14日，她勒死他们。这是她的LG电子电子电子。我将有23 。葬礼将是周末。你可以参加. Please send any questions to zha chune or me at alexcsonka@gmail.com I will arrive the morning of the 23rd, and will need si/ci for the family and I. All classmates and family are welcome, as long as there is no anger to me. I came as quickly as China allowed,for swine flu and the bodies could not be released while i was in the US. can also contact 13811696738 March 25 幸与不幸刚才碰巧看到一个节目，四川的一个妈妈，怀孕时有甲亢，结果孩子甲状腺低下---等到13岁时在成都诊断出来的。她的妈妈抛弃了她，只有爸爸能给她安全感，她只有4岁孩子的智力。 当然这个十分不幸的小孩幸运的是，她的故事上了电视，有了治疗，有不离弃她的爸爸，在故事的最后，她跟爸爸在打牌—作为提升智力的手段，跟以前秃头苦脸封闭的小孩不同，她开怀大笑，因为她打赢了那手牌。 画外音说唯一遗憾的是由于知识的缺乏，她本来能干预的疾病，现在已经不可能了，她不可能跟正常人一样。 正常人这三个字让我听了思考了一下，想起前段时间CSI Miami中有一集关于dwarf的谋杀案，杀人的起因就是那个dwarf憎恨自己是矮人的事----毕竟，无法跟说话的人对视 ，永远受到无意或恶意的眼睛注视，生活在为高人设计的世界里，是很不幸福的事情---Grison说或许最终的凶手是人自己。所谓的正常人。 又想起阿甘，他同样智力有问题，但是他的一生很幸福，给很多人流泪的理由。 所谓的正常，跟所谓的不幸，到底是如何，似乎并没有定论。 我时常很难接受那些把刚生下来的生命抛弃，或者沉入水中，或者杀死的人。我们的教育中，有对生命的尊重一章吗？ 那些即使不是因为爱而来到这个世界上来的生命，他们刚刚开始的旅程立即结束，又是幸还是不幸？ March 12 危机去年12月17号做完08年度的最后一场会后，我就开始怀疑这个市场了。 想说的不是这个问题，没事逛别人的博克，看到居然也有不愉快的，或许大家习惯的是晒幸福，问题都关起门来思考。 小孩现在牙牙学语，十分好玩，还时不时拍拍我，把脸贴到我手心，或者模仿我，抓住我的手拍自己。有时候甚至十分让我感动的双手抱我睡觉，尽管头顶着硬墙壁很不舒服，那个时刻还是很享受的。 我还是渐渐学习，读TIME，感叹就业市场的无力，同时比较高兴对翻译的积极影响。 我们在读一本1992年出版的书，很有意思的发现。 有很多未知的事情，但是只关注当下，确实需要智慧和勇气。 February 25 from a family memberMom and I jumped into the car on the day after Christmas this past
year. Rushed and harried I thought about a lot of stuff, but most of
what I thought was about Dad as I drove. We arrived at our destination,
and I found a place to park. They greeted us and pulled us into a long
room with a couch. Within moments, they had come in and the Doctor
started to explain what had happened. After 20 seconds of his
explanation’s professional beginning, we had learned that Dad died of a
massive heart-attack…. Typical smart-ass escaped me completely. I should have at least thought to say: “So you don’t think he’s going to recover, then?” or “You guys told us his condition was ‘serious’. You don’t get much more serious than that! That's as serious as a heart attack!!”... but somehow my eyes were having a leaking problem, and all I could think about was how much Dad left behind, myself being one of those things, and how much I was going to miss him. I held Mom, and our eyes had the same leaking problem together. My eyes still have that leaking problem just about everyday. I don’t think you can ever be old enough to hear that you lost your Dad, especially when you didn’t have a good Dad, you had a great one. I've participated in the Heart Walk for almost as many years as it has taken place in the Phoenix area, and because I work for a great company (Bard Peripheral Vascular), they match every dollar I collect for this cause through the CR Bard Foundation, the charitable wing of our beloved Bard. My Dad used to be my biggest supporter. I guess I'd better not count on that this year. Dad never smoked or did anything too unhealthy himself. His father died at 90 and his mom at 85. I figured he had a few more good years in him. Even his cardiologist had given him the "all clear" just a week before. It didn't seem very fair, but if you were one of his children you would have had the privilege of him telling you a few times (or in my case quite a few times) as you were growing up that "the verld vasn't very fair"...I miss his accent. On New Year's Eve I buried the only person who knew me better than I know myself. I'm still at times very stunned by it all, and I can't believe he's gone. As I see something I think he might get a kick out of, I think: "Oh I'll have to tell Dad about that".. and then my eyes have that leaking problem again. Oh vell, The verld isn't very fair.... I’ve walked in the Heart Walk for 11 years. Never with greater reason than I have now. I’d like to ask you for your support as I walk yet again in this very important fund-raiser for the American Heart Association. The AHA’s online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00, which I think is a little ridiculous, and I've complained about it yearly! If you want to donate, and you prefer (or need to) donate a smaller amount, you can do so by sending a check directly to me at: John Csonka 16026 S. 13th Place Phoenix AZ 85048 Thank you for your support. Bela was a very decent person, someone we will already feel the absence, whether here in this rented place or in the big spacious house, January 24 做客我一个人拖着一个20多斤的小孩和装满衣服的背包以及挎包，打车从住处到西站，一晚上非常不舒服的躺到武汉，然后又是汽车，回到我以为是家的家，才发现我身份已经变了，如果不是LG不在这边，我本不应该这个时候在父母家呆着。母亲业的确当我是客，不让我花钱，让弟弟帮我盛饭。
那我久是这里的客了，虽然部分小学初中高中都在这里，护照业只能在这里办理，离开那个等待拆迁的破房子 ，那里的墙上曾经画满了我和妹妹的美人图。在这个高速公路出口的地方，我就是客人而已，
这个身份很奇怪，但是奇怪更甚的是我提到北京的住处，会用家这个字，但是在那个城市，我从来不把自己当作主人，我除了工作的关系以及若干朋友，随时久能离开那里。为了办一次性签证，我将必须办理暂住证，
这样久很有意思了， 我哪里都不属于，我没有自己的房子，虽然我有自己的家庭，7万公里之外的那个大房子，也只是临时的地方，
这么说，我现在要做的工作就是准备买房子？ December 30 eventful 2008hard to describe this year, there are gains and losses, some are very painful, but we all learn to move on and try to look at the positive side, have no idea what the next year holds out for me, and there are decisions i don't know how to make, maybe the best thing is to repeat the simple wisdom of life: take care of today, and let tomorrow take care of itself, November 26 thanksgiving notethis entry was prompted by my best friend's blog entry where she praised her fiancee, soon to be husband, for being a real man. i am truly happy to know her and also lily are going to get married soon, and i could even have the oppotunity to attend her wedding, and give her my hand-picked gift , a very romantic thing. And if I changed my mindA million times i know i am no longer in an age to behave that way, and indeed changing mind is natural for any women, i finally can make fewere presumptions, and relax the mind alert a little bit, sit down and lay back and smile, learning to let the past go, so i should also say thanks to my little chubby for all the joys she brought to me, and also people around her, and merci beaucoup to steve for always being there, to be at the receving end of my trash mood products. November 20 郑州的出租车最近似乎很多地方出租车罢工，那天出机场，发现郑州机场的出租真漂亮，坐进去，很宽敞，平稳，而且似乎都是新的，司机告诉我，这是机场专用的，起步价10块，一般不在市内趴活，而是赶快回到机场， 因为总共只有200辆， 需要回去排队。政府的安排是为了形象。其他出租车不允许进入机场载客，带来了乘客，也不能带乘客回去，必须空车返程。到了酒店的费用可真贵，差不多160.。。。 回来坐的是市内的车，明显要旧很多，司机倒了一肚子苦水，说不愿意到机场，因为打表只有80，回来不能拉人，还有被伪装乘客陷害因此罚款的危险。挑刺罚款；那些车是征地产生的，其实车也好不到那里，火车站的黑车抢他们的生意，每个月保护费1K，等等等等。觉得像天方夜谭，还说一家5口，就他3000多块钱，一天工作14个小时。前几年也罢过，但是没有用。还讲述了一个很牛的上海人，状告当地政府不作为，最后3w收场。 今天又看到类似新闻，就记下来。 October 22 a few lines郁闷的是为什么我的名字几乎永远会被拼写错误， 而且还是放在四川厅里堂皇璀璨的餐桌上
觉得他们很多问题直接问我就完事， 免了外事， 而且绝对非官方回答， 反正觉得部委是浪费
官本位大概处处差不多，而且从专业角度来看， 的确好的工作者并不多， 那位MOE的女士英国腔真好听， look at用的也很好，
是不是所有人都认为没有出国就不大会学好这门语言呢？
甜蜜的细节就是那个胖胖的最小女儿比我大的人， marry his childhood sweetheart and will soon celebrate their 40 yrs anniv, when he is only in his maybe 6o's. 考虑到他家族中百岁的历史， 看来jubilee之类小菜一碟，
PS,地铁中无聊学到另外一个完整的表达， not all cake and ale, like not all rosy beds,
PSS:学者的为官的校对和判断有时形成极为有趣的对比， September 14 ashamed直到有人给妈妈打电话了, 我才想起中秋要给家里一个问候, 结果一点不好, 妈妈一个人在家等弟弟回来盼到快哭了, 爸爸一个人在另外一个地方生病却没有地方去打针, 于是很汗颜, 虽然18好新房就能住了, 有我不少功劳, 但是这些节日却连电话都未想起, 应该反省. September 10 很久前就准备写下来每天大概6点多的样子, 我就彻底可以休息了, 然后会隔着纱帐看她小小的柔柔的肉肉的身体成了龙虾的形状, 卷着浴巾,侧身, 没有之前更小时候的睡觉时候的笑, 反倒有些不高兴, 但是我看了总是会微笑, 虽然每次我睡觉前想抱抱她, 让她的小脚跟我的接触, 她却一点不领情, 一个人滚到另一边了, 早上起来再几里挂拉说隔不停, 很高兴的看着还没有睡够的我.
她已经知道家在那里, 被人牵着双臂, 会人来疯的到处颠, 喜欢比她大的孩子, 不介意被亲到, 十分享受被夸奖, 还很期待大声说真厉害, 路人谈话完毕说再见, 她一旁每人搭理还摆摆小手,
有时候我觉得不好意思, 那么多人为孩子开blog, 记录分分秒秒, 我却根本不动笔, 上次有医生说我脾气燥, 湿气太重, 所以才会动不动发火, 也从来没有小小心思穿漂亮, 似乎一切都没有的乐趣, 前几天看文章说收入几何就为上层, 才恍然明白原来我大概也属于那种毕业5年希望年薪20万的大学生,
不管怎么说, 有个如此可爱的小人儿在身边, 虽然爱的教育还很漫长, 不知道哪一天她才会钻到我被子里, 或者象开始的时候在我的胸前睡觉(仅有一次而已), 这个过程还是比较不错的, August 19 note to the Gamesthis year's olympics is quite eventful and has been the topic of the town for quite a while, though the fact of being a freelancer does afford me the luxury of watching virtually any game i want, i seem to not take it that seriously, but steal a look now and then on the sideline. still it is interesting in many a way.
of course like many other people, i feel sorry for those weak and defeated, or simply unlucky altheletes, what really prompted me to write a few lines here is the scene of a DPRK archery shooter, very dry and dark skin, thin and reserved. she was competeing against another player from ROK, with very nice complextion and makeup. these two countries did not present themselves hand in hand this time, and her look, that girl from DPRK, just made me wish secretly she would win the bronze, on the top of the fact that barely no one was cheering for her, most of the spectators were there for ROK. and to think how many from DPRK could afford the tickets to China?
but she failed.
another scene happened in gymnastics. a 33-year old mother, who represented all together 4 countires, a mother with a son with lukimia. and she got a silver in the end. unlike those very young competitors with fancy makeups, she looked so serious and tense, maybe she was thinking of her son when swirling in the air?
hail the beauty of sports, that transcend so many hurdles. July 28 from a lecture given by a gone PhDwhen noboday bothers to say anything, it is a really bad place to be in because that means those who care to critisize has stoped being this way. they no longer care. the break walls are there for a reason, it shows you how much u want something, to show our dedication when it comes to any man who is romatically interested in you, ignore whatever eh says, and pay attention only to what he does. find the best in someboday, no matter how long the waiting is, it is not about how to arhive ur dream, it is about how u live your life June 25 相信功夫熊猫里主要成功的秘诀是相信, 有歌也叫when you believe,(好像是),没有妈妈在身边帮忙, 一个人在外面工作, 就总是悬着一颗心, 让我自己都比较吃惊的是, 刚听到她在电话那端狠命的哭, 接下来还能带上耳机接着做关于数据中心建构的东西,
其实她真的是个很乖的孩子, 而他也在努力, 至少现在抱着她的时候, 已经有模有样了, 明天又是一天, 已经无所谓那点钱, 只希望能4点离开酒店, 然后坐 20多站的地铁回来,
估计等到阿姨过来的时候, 我就真的成功甩掉4KG了.
所以为了心灵的宁静, 为了职业精神的保证, 还是要去相信. 她和他都会好好的.
另外昨天了解到我高中的两个同班同学以及大学的两个同班同学tie the knot, 觉得真的是很奇妙, 前者充分证明强弱组合的合理性, 后者大约说明了温柔的力量.
反正CVD已经看够了, 多说几句. 前些天脑子里回想起中学的时候, 因为没有钱, 常常整个上午饿肚子, 极其渴望吃1元的热干面,还有一次坐在妹妹车上, 除了事故, 在街心被人围观, 自己只会在那里哭泣, 直到小学的老师路过帮忙说话. 还有发现妈妈千辛万苦买来的20元的二手车居然在暴雨夜被盗, 让我顿时哭起来, 之后就在学校外面小店外看到, 却什么也作不了. 那天afterthought是应该之前在车上刻上我的名字, 这样就能reclaim那破车了.
想想过去, 还有那个在成都火车站被视为骗子的表情, 以及现在, 真的是很有意思.sharon stone 的那句comment似乎也是red out of context. June 19 small notehave been busy since 5 in the morning till 8 at mnight when i could finally lie down, speading my ached arms and legs, and ready to wake up at any moment of the bb. Steve commented that my response is simply amazing, as if i were set off by a embedded spring. i guess there is a better word to describe this reaction.
work comes and goes, fine with me now. guess i am really adapted to this kind of life.
once she is in my arms, the tears that would not stop pouring out turns into red-eye smile or even giggle, is that one of the many blessings to be a mother?
such a sweet burden May 13 RIP for the victoms, and pray for recovery of those injuredthis is just too bad...living so far away from the epicentre makes it look quite distant to me but the picture of those DB lying on the playground is more than enough to drive home the grimness.
at least those i know r fine,
be well... April 20 welcome to Beijing 北京欢迎您 this is a quite nice song, i am not a huge fan of the Games, still the treatment of the torch in some countries and some ignorant comments in certain TV channels only drive home to the naked fact how badly China needs to improve its national PR and how serious bad media can do to the public. the other day when reading a newspaper, i came across a very impressive comment by Samuel Johnson: patriotism is the last sanctuary for hooligans. (not sure of my translations), and i can not agree more. boycotting Carrefour is a spontaneous gesture but not with enough reason. (reminded me of RAND principle in patent licensing) .though it really surprised me to see so few shoppers in it today. anyhow, though i can not deny the fact that the upcoming games has lifted the price of many things here in the capital, as my mother complains, i do hope it could end well. 【陈天佳】迎接另一个晨曦 带来全新空气 embracing another morning, with fresh and fragrant air 【刘欢】气息改变情味不变 茶香飘满情谊 changed smell delivers unchanged love, as the sweet tea is filled with gentleness 【那英】我家大门常打开 开放怀抱等你 the door of my home is always open, ready to hug you 【孙燕姿】拥抱过就有了默契 你会爱上这里 tacit feeling established from one hug, you will love this place 【孙悦】不管远近都是客人 请不用客气 either from near or afar, you are a guest, and feel free and relaxed 【王力宏】相约好了再一起 我们欢迎你 we made a promise to meet, and you are welcome here 【韩红】我家种着万年青 开放每段传奇 the ever green tree in my home is carrying a legend in each leave 【周华健】为传统的土壤播种 为你留下回忆 plant the seed of tradition, and leave you a good memory 【梁咏琪】陌生熟悉都是客人 请不用拘礼 either old or new friend, you are a guest, pls feel free and relaxed 【羽泉】第几次来没关系 有太多话题 don't matter if it's your first time here, we have so many topics 【成龙】北京欢迎你 为你开天辟地 welcome to Beijing, be ready for an eye-opener 【任贤齐】流动中的魅力充满着朝气 the dynamic charm of this city is full of vigor 【蔡依淋】北京欢迎你 在太阳下分享呼吸 welcome to Beijing, let's share our joy under one sky 【孙楠】在黄土地刷新成绩 and break new record in China 【周笔畅】我家大门常打开 开怀容纳天地 the door of my house is always open, big enough to accomodate the whole world 【韦唯】岁月绽放青春笑容 迎接这个日期 this ancient country is refreshed with youthful smile, she is ready for this day 【黄晓明】天大地大都是朋友 请不用客气 【韩庚】画意诗情带笑意 只为等待你 【汪峰】北京欢迎你 像音乐感动你 【莫文蔚】让我们都加油去超越自己 【谭晶】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 【陈奕迅】有勇气就会有奇迹 【阎维文】北京欢迎你 为你开天辟地 【戴玉强】流动中的魅力充满着朝气 【王霞 李双松】北京欢迎你 在太阳下分享呼吸 【廖昌永】在黄土地刷新成绩 【林依轮】北京欢迎你 像音乐感动你 【张娜拉】让我们都加油去超越自己 【林俊杰】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 【阿杜】有勇气就会有奇迹 京剧：北京欢迎你呀~~ 【容祖儿】我家大门常打开 开放怀抱等你 【李宇春】拥抱过就有了默契 你会爱上这里 【黄大炜】不管远近都是客人 请不用客气 【陈坤】相约好了再一起 我们欢迎你 【谢霆锋】北京欢迎你 为你开天辟地 【韩磊】流动中的魅力充满着朝气 【徐若瑄】北京欢迎你 在太阳下分享呼吸 【费翔】在黄土地刷新成绩 【汤灿】我家大门常打开 开怀容纳天地 【林志玲 张梓琳】岁月绽放青春笑容 迎接这个日期 【张靓颖】天大地大都是朋友 请不用客气 【许茹芸 伍思凯】画意诗情带笑意 只为等待你 【杨坤 范玮琪】北京欢迎你 像音乐感动你 【游鸿明 周晓欧】让我们都加油去超越自己 【沙宝亮 满文军】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 【金海心 何润东】有勇气就会有奇迹 【飞儿 庞龙】北京欢迎你 为你开天辟地 【吴克群 齐峰】流动中的魅力充满着朝气 【5566 胡彦斌】北京欢迎你 在太阳下分享呼吸 【郑希怡 刀郎】在黄土地刷新成绩 【纪敏加 屠洪刚 吴彤】北京欢迎你 像音乐感动你 welcome to Beijing, she will move you like the music 【郭容 刘耕宏 腾格尔】让我们都加油去超越自己 let's beat our own record, 【金莎 苏醒 韦嘉】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 【付丽珊 黄征 房祖】有勇气就会有奇迹 【全体】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 those who cherish dreams are not nobody 【全体】有勇气就会有奇迹 【全体】北京欢迎你 有梦想谁都了不起 【全体】有勇气就会有奇迹 where there is courage, there is a miracle well the translation is very rough, and no attention is paid to the format of lyrics, still when i was listening to it, i could feel the enthusiasm and warm smile exuded between the lines. so Beijing, break a leg!! April 01 安静焦急过, 不过现在只是闲适, 虽然仍然身体沉重, 这儿哪儿疼.
上周5天地铁, 觉得5号线跟1号割的好远...倒是很有意思的看到一个老太太赖在电梯口,硬是不上去, 说怕. 也想起自己第一次作电梯, 也是蛮害怕的.
返老还童, ^_^ 妈妈说觉得老年人没了牙齿 笑的时候 不是很好看, 但是婴儿露出牙板, 笑的却那么可爱,
似乎有些神经质, 总瞎想如果失手, 那么会有多么可怕的后果, 也不喜欢那些喜欢她但是老问东问西的人.
怀念学校那些灿烂的春花....
March 06 would you know my name, if i saw you in heaven?i surf society news in sina.com almost daily, and too often shocked and speechless by the facts(if they are all facts, not hype to catch eyeballs), and mother baby news are always of great interest to me, that habit, today, led me to a heart-breaking video, when i , and many net users, see, with years, how a listless boy disppear from this maddening world-for lack of money!? (if that is the only reason)
he has big eyes, but no spirit in them, his mother was trying to feed her with some milk, but he just sipped a little bit and then rest his heavy head on the pillow again.
is it too cruel to present death in front of me, who just learnt the precious value of a new life?
some blame the dysfunctional medical system, and calls for boycott of that hospital.hold the head of that institution responsible. some wrote about the so called truth, that the moaning grandpa and father are talking about divociing the mother who can no longer has another child. but at this moment, do these truths really matter?
and how many of such tragedies have striken how many familes?
i remembered the visit in Care For Children, where those down syndrome kids would have such good faciliteis to live in, with plenty of sunshine and toys to play with. i was told one of them is from HK. how lucky he is--to to born in a rich family that does not give up on him.
that's why it is such a fine irony to see the comment of one guy: bless this little heart, may he be born in a rich family next time...
this is the best of the times, this is the worst...
u just can not find approrite word to descibe this madness.
to remember that a soul was here, and is now gone, and i want to believe there is a place called heaven, with plenty of medical supply and free from all the evils and dirt in this world. February 21 mother's lovemy patience is aboudant with her, but my mother is not.cuz she is not her daughter.
i wish i had choice, but i don't.
watching the video in which she was singing a song dedicated to her mom, who promised her to wait until she got married, but did not make it in the end (amother two friends of mine also wrote an entry for this star), i did not know i almost cried.
to be a mother is so hard, maybe that's why people say it is safer to be hated than to be loved. and to love is to get hurt, sometimes by those who love u most.
who knows what is going to happen in the future? but once she is there, there is no turning back.
PS(24/Feb): S is right, not hated, but feared.sorry for my bad memory. |
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